A Star Trek Christmas

Since it’s the season; I thought I’d share this little screenplay parody type thingy
that I came up with.

I hope you enjoy it . . .

–Ol’ John Brown

A STAR TREK CHRISTMAS

Setting:
The Starship Enterprise

Checkov: Captain, we are being approached by a wessel, the likes of which I have never seen!

Kirk: Mr. Spock! . . . Analysis . . . of . . . the vessel?

Spock: The vessel appears to be powered by 12 creatures known on Earth as reindeer. . . this is highly illogical.

It is piloted by a bearded, red, round, life form.

Kirk: Could. . . it . . . be?

Sulu: The vessel is attempting to land on the hull of the Enterprise! It has
touched down on the starboard side!

Spock: The red being is attempting to enter the ship through our topside exhaust
port.

Taking evasive action mandated by Starfleet.

Kirk: It’s . . .?

Spock: Raising shields to full power to incinerate intruder and the vessel.

Kirk: But . . .

 

(Bones enters the bridge
to witness the event . . . )

 

Bones: My God! Spock!
You green blooded son of a– . . .

Spock: Intruder and vessel have been eliminated.

Kirk: But . . . Santa? . . . Clause? . . . It . . . was , , ,

 

(Dramatic pause . . .
.

 

wait for it . . .

 

just a few more
seconds . . .

 

you know it’s coming . . . )

 

 

Bones: He’s dead Jim.

(Oh, come on . . . if you’ve watched Star Trek, you know the guy in red is always gonna get it!)

Rough lookin’ . . .

This fellow in the morphed picture is Mr. Bean Laden.

He’s a good example of someone we here in the Appalachian mountains would describe as “rough lookin’.”

Over the years I’ve collected many sayin’s (sayings or humorous phrases for you city folk) from all over the place just because they’re fun.

I love sharing them as much as collecting them so, below are just a few that fall under the “rough lookin’” category . . . don’t forget to share your favorites with me and there is always more of this type of stuff in my funny pages on PrimeTap’s site . . .

“I once knew a fellow that went coon huntin’ without a gun; he didn’t need one, he just uglied them to death!
But that weren’t nothin’; his wife used the same method for bear huntin’!” — From an Old Appalachian tall tale.

“She weren’t hit by the ugly stick, the whole tree fell on ‘er”. — Thanks to Dancing Arrow for this.

” . . . had a face that would make a freight train take a dirt road!” — Thanks to my friend Zeb for this one.

“You look like you’ve been rode hard and put up wet! [like a horse]” — Old Appalachian sayin’

“You know you’re ugly when you get deported by the Keep America Beautiful Foundation.” — MAD Magazine late 70’s or early 80’s?

” . . . so ugly they had to sneak up on a water fountain to get a drink!” — Who knows?

Hope you enjoyed these and I look forward to hearing some of yours; please let me know what general area you are from.
It’s interesting to see how sayin’s differ from place to place.

See you next time!
– Ol’ John Brown