From Ol’ JB’s Book of Words pt. 2

What certain words sound like
 they ought to mean . . .

Abercrombie  – a pasta mixture often served in goulash or as Abercrombie and Cheese.

Absorbine Jr.  – 1.) Absorbine’s son. 2.) a small bean left to soak in water.

aboriginal  – originating from the abdomen.

acropolis  – a crop that has yielded more than expected.

acute  – describes something that is nice looking with childlike qualities and/or is very small.

adolescent  – 1.) someone who has been addled. 2.) the smell of someone who has been addled.  3.) term used to describe the glowing appearance of the stars seen after being addled.

algebra – a brassier designed and produced in Algeria.

almanac  – someone with an extreme affinity for almonds.

Al Paccino  – a steamed Italian coffee beverage.

apprentice   – an artist formerly known as a helper.

arachnophobia  – 1.) an unreasonable fear of tennis rackets. 2.) an unreasonable fear of a loud noise. 3.) an unreasonable fear of department store clothing racks.

archenemy  – someone with a grudge against fast food restaurants.

armoire  – a wire used to secure a dislocated wrist, elbow or shoulder.

azimuth  – someone with asthma.

Do you have some of your own? Feel free to share them with us!

More of these samples on the way mingled in with the others funnies and shared sillyness; see ya next time!

Ol’ John Brown

Free Medical Testing!

As we get older, our doctors
recommend that we have tests run more often.

So I’m providing
these tests to you, to save you time and money.

MEDICAL TEST

First:
STARE INTO THE CAT’S EYES  FOR 10 SECONDS ….
Then Scroll Down

Wait for the cat to blink . . .

NOW STARE IN THE PUPPY’S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS…

Such a cute Labrador retriever pup :0)

Scroll Down

Your CAT SCAN
And LAB TESTS
Are now complete!

Sorry, couldn’t resist!

Living in 2008

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when…

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of  5.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
: )

12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself!

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!

A big thanks to Kathy in Nashville, TN for this one!

Ten Dollar Monkeys

Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.

The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching. The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.
While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. ‘Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.’

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys everywhere . . .

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works! :0)

Ghost Car

The Ghost Car

This is supposed to be a true story. It allegedly just outside of Ironwood, a little town in Michigan’s upper peninsula.

This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard  he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in  the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed  the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.  Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified,  too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw
that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life. He was sure the ghost car would go off the road and in the swamp and he would surely drown!

But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the driver’s window and a hand reached in and turned the steering  wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again! Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and not just some drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, “Look Toivo, der’s dat idiot dat rode in our car when we wuz pushin’ it in da rain.”