Three Grandmas

Three mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when . . .

. . . a Grandpa walked by.

One of the old Grandmas yelled out saying,

'We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.'

The old man said,

'There is no way you can guess it, you old fools!'

One of the old Grandmas said,

'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.'

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.

Then they all piped up and said . . .

'You're 87 years old!'

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked,

'How in the world did you guess?'

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison . . .

'We were at your birthday party yesterday!'

Thanks to Mental Mum in Scotland for sharing this gem!

Modified Proverbs for Cynics

Oh, the old wise proverbs that we hear all the time.

Sure, there’s a lot of wisdom in these, but aren’t there times that you just don’t want to hear them?
Well, just for those moments, here’s a few cynical answers to shoot back:

• Early to bed
  early to rise
  makes for a sleepy man
  with bloodshot eyes.
• A bird in the hand is . . .
  dinner!
• A penny saved is . . .
  taxed for a dollar.
• A stitch in time . . .
  to sew up that pesky temporal rift.
• Good things come to those who . . .
  usually don’t deserve them
  . . . or . . .
  Good things come to those who . . .
  wade. (fishin’)
• It is always darker just before . . .
  everything goes completely black. — Thanks to my good friend Zeb for this one!
• He who laughs last . . .
  is kinda slow on the uptake
  But he means well, bless his heart! (In the Mountains, we follow such comments with this phrase so we don’t hurt anyone’s feelings.)
• Behind every good man is . . .
  someone waitin’ to stab him in the back!
• All is well that ends . . .
  the way that I wanted it to.

Hope you enjoyed these!
Have some of your own?
Please join the fun and share them!

See you next time,
–Ol’ John Brown